A Tale of 138 pluse Cities
by the little french lady
Summary: Cities, they're everywhere. They're big, important, and everyone lives there. So what the heck do they do while the countries are busy being dysfunctional? Why they go and be dysfunctional themselves of course! Rated T for intense swearing.
1. The World Meeting

**I don't own Hetalia, never have never will.**

* * *

Today there's a world meeting, not just a world meeting, but a world meting that included the major cites of the world.

"What was that you fucking Yank!"

"You heard me! Or are you deaf too, second best?"

"That it!"

"Please Chicago-san, don't kill your brother!"

As you can see, it is proving to be just as productive as a normal one.

The first person you heard was Chicago, a bit of a violent girl, tall, broad shouldered, narrow hipped, shoulder length red hair with a single curl on her right that was pined down slightly with a red six-point star hair clip. She would honestly look like a man if it weren't for her impressive 'tracks of land'. She swears a lot. You want a general idea of what she's like, think Romano, except that she can actually back up her talk and kick your ass.

The person she was talking to was her '_brother' _New York City, none of the American cities were actually related, a fact that baffles the rest of the world to no end. NYC pretty much looked like America with no glasses or Nantucket (although he was not without odd hair pieces, he, like Chicago, have a hair curl on his right). This is something he took as 'being the most American city in America', and others took as a bit creepy, considering that NYC wasn't America's kid, at lest not by blood. He is considered by the rest of the world (including his '_siblings'_) , in no uncertain terms, to be the single biggest asshole on the planet.

The incident that is happening right now was caused by one of their many arguments (the subject of this one forever lost to time) which resulted in NYC saying that Chicago's food was horrible. Naturally Chicago would not stand for this, after all her food was delicious, unlike him she had a sense of taste; and how could he judge, this is the guy who said England's food was wonderful and meant it.

So it was only natural that she wanted to beat him to death, unfortunately for her Tokyo was holding her back.

Tokyo has black hair in a bob-cut with very dark almost-black brown eyes. She's also a very petite girl, short by even Japanese 18 year old standards. You may be wondering how she's holding back Chicago, a girl who has 28 centimeter height advantage. I could tell you, but Tokyo who have to kill me, ninja secret you see. It certainly had nothing to do with her pink headband that was decorated with a cherry blossom pattern.

"Please Chicago-san, just what will his death accomplish?" Tokyo pleaded.

"Peace and quiet for the rest of the world." Chicago replied. "Hey Paris, come help me out."

"Eh, I would, but then my chances with Tokyo would disappear." Replied what appeared to be a younger France.

"Phs, disappear, like you had any to begin with." Chicago huffed, she then decided to return to her attempts to break free and kill NYC with new vigor.

"Ah, could I please have some help." Tokyo was getting a bit despite, she could only hold this much hate back for so long.

"I got it." America decided to intervene, others would say he should have done something sooner, but he realized some time ago that if he went in every time Chicago was trying to kill NYC and vice versa , he would get even _less_ done the he already did.

In the brief moment after that Tokyo let go of her, Chicago did her best to avoid America's grasp, but to no avail. America garbed onto her by the shoulder and turned her around, effectively holding her still till she stopped struggling.

"Done yet?" America asked.

"No," Chicago answered. She then held up her index finger and looked for a very specific spot on America's forehead, finding it she gave a hard poke.

America gave a, "Ow!"

And a few feet away, "OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!"

Learning how to find the Empire State Building on America's forehead was difficult, but well worth it, in Chicago's opinion.


	2. It's Called Italian Influence

_**I don't own Hetalia, never have, never will. I also don't own IHOP, if I did, I'd have more important things to do then wright fanfiction.**_

**_Oh, and happy belated birthday Canada!_ **

* * *

London was a rather pretty girl. Long ashen bond hair with pink highlights all parted to the side, a good array of piercing on her ears, dark green eyes, and an exilant sense of punk fashion. While sitting down on a bar stole this lovely girl only had one thought.

'Why am I here?'

She could be doing so many things right now. Like watching Doctor Who reruns, or explaining British slang to D.C., or go shopping with Paris, or heck, get that mountain of paperwork done.

But no, she was here, getting drunk with New York City at some random bar, because everyone silently agreed that after the incidents of today's meeting he deserved to get wasted*, and she was the one of the only people who could stand him long enough to go with him that wasn't _that_ busy. At first she was just going to let him go by himself, but when it became evident that he couldn't quite walk by himself, she started to feel bad. Didn't help that he already had a fake I.D. for her.

Wait, why did New York have a fake I.D. for her? You would think he ultimately planed for this to happen when he insulted Chicago in order to get guilt points. He even prepared a counter argument for when she tried to say she could't because it was illegal in America for people as young as they (apparently) are to drink.

He did have a point though, with the whole "Almost all of us are at lest a century old, we've fought in dozens of wars, and have been getting drunk sence the invention of alcohol."

Seriously, if London didn't know better, she would swear that New York planed this all to get her alone with him in a bar. But he's not that smart, right?

...

Right?

...

Right!

...

In any case, she was here, with New York, being board out of her mind. Why? Because that git would not shut up! He just keeps talking about how great he is, on and on, it's like listening to a bloody radio broadcast. It's bad enough that they are _not _having a proper conversation, but if the topic doesn't change soon, there may very well be another meeting between New York's skull and a blunt force object in the very near future.

"You know I'm the cultural capital of the world, Iceland, Latvia, and _Australia, _yeah Australia, said so, well and me of course, that goes with out saying, after all it would be pretty lame if _I _didn't know how awesome I was. There are entire books dedicated to my cultural impact on the world. I think Tom Wolfe said it best 'Culture just seems to be in the air, like part of the weather', which is so true. I mean all the best stuff started in me; the Harlem renaissance, which was even named after a part of me, I was the center of jazz, I invented abstract expressionism, me hip hop, my punk, salsa, disco, and freestyle are the best, and I have always appreciated the work of my fellow Jewish brothers. Not only that but all the people of the world know how awesome I am, why else are most books, movies, plays and T.V. shows set in me.**" New York paused in his rant to take a drink.

'Now's my chance! But what should I say to make him to stop talking about himself?" London thought desperately, and said the first think that she could think of off the top of her head.

"When exactly did you get that curl? I know you didn't have it when we meet. I just remember seeing it one day and wondering where it came from."

Huh, that the random. How the heck did London come up with that one? It doesn't even achieve the goal of making him stop talking about himself, if anything it might make it worse.

"Oh, this, I got that some time in 1922, at lest, that's when I noticed it," New York remarked. "Very heave Italian immigration cased me to get one like Romano's."

"So, is it_ sensitive?_" London couldn't help asking a little smugly.

"Not any more," Replied New York casually. "I'm not entirely sure when it stopped, but it did. Iv'e tried cutting it off, but it just kept growing back, so I left it alone. Why do you want to know, are you going to try and seduce me? Cause if you want to sleep with me, and what girl in her right wouldn't, all you have to do is ask."

"In your dreams you bloody git!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at an IHOP...

* * *

"Remind me again, why and how did you convince me to come here?" Inquired Paris.

"I don't like eating alone, and I have the sort of black-mail on you that would convince every woman on the planet to cut your dick off."*** Answered Chicago. "As to why here exactly, were else I'm I going to get strawberry pancakes at 9:40 at night?"

"Then why am I here?" Demanded D.C., her brown eyes gleaming with annoyance. Her curly hazel hair was tied in a messy bun with two red ribbons, as apposed to her normally neat pigtails.

"Because you owe me money." Chicago deadpanned.

Chicago and D.C. were waiting for the waitress to bring them their food, Paris refused to eat from a pancake-house chain on principle. They were sitting in a booth in such D.C. and Chicago were sitting next to each other (D.C. on the inside and Chicago on the outside) with there right side facing out and Paris sitting across from them.

"Why didn't you just take the money I owe you, instead of dragging me out here?" D.C. asked angrily. Huh, wonder what her plans were to be so upset about missing them.

"Because anytime I try to do that, **you **make up a stupid ass excuse and ruuuhuhuhunn!" Chicago tried to give a deserving 'Take That' to D.C., but at that moment someone walk _very_ close to their table and brush up against her curl. So instead she made a series of incomprehensible sounds.

"Aah-Aah hu, hah, hah, ho." Now that_ that's_ done.

"Quit smiling Frenchy." Chicago said scarlet faced. I would compare her to a tomato, but I'm not Spanish.

"Ah, I can't help it _mon oignon forte~_, your just so cute when your flustered." And Paris continued to smile.

"Call me fucking **cute **in public again, and London finds out what happened to her favorite bra." Chicago threatened.

"You wouldn't." Never have you seen a man so terrified.

"Try me." Chicago was practically daring Paris to doubt her.

Suddenly they were interrupted.

"All right, I have a strawberry pancake special with bacon.~" The waitress said cheerfully while setting down the food.

"Yay, pancakes!~" Chicago, doing a complete 180 in attitude, cheered.

* * *

New York and Chicago both have head curls, but New York's is a period piece, it doesn't do anything. This is because, unlike Chicago, New York doesn't have any dominating demographics to derive a supper distinct trait like that.

Oh, and don't call Chicago cute.

Also, pancakes are awesome, but you probably knew that already.

* * *

_***This is a different meeting then the one in chapter one, as to what was so bad as to everyone take pity, he insulted Da Bears, with that exact phrasing. To anyone who knows anything about how Chicagoans treat their sports, this is all you need to know.  
**_

_****New Your may have an ego the size of Canada and will play up anything he dose, but he won't outright lie. This rant is paraphrased from Wikipedia.**_

_*****They kid, they're best friends, they don't force each other to do anything. Although Chicago does have that kind of black mail on Paris, and vice versa, like all best friends do.**_


	3. Independence Day Special

**Yay, it's my country's birthday! Unfortunately everyone representing the Midwest seems to have gotten a fever, biggest heat wave in YEARS. Then there's Chicago, which is pretty much in the middle of it getting hit the worst, aside from southern Illinois, the actual middle, at a whopping 105 degrees Fahrenheit without heat inducts. **

**Never the less, I felt the need to wright something for today, so please enjoy this special edition of _ A Tale of 138+ Cities_.**

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU REFUSE TO FIGHT!" You know America, if you screamed any louder, England will be able to hear you from_ his_ house.

"Like I said, I refuse to fight a "war" as you so put it against someone who has only ever taken care of us, is an infinitely superior fighter, and the issues we are having with can be easily solved by talking to him!" Said a 13-year-old New York. "In other words, I'm staying loyal to England!"

"But, but what about the stamp act, you were furious when you heard about it!" America questioned.

"I was." New York admitted. "And I still am, but that's no reason to go shooting at England!"

It was August 25 in the year of 1776, days before what would be the first major battle of the American Revolutionary War. America was facing a problem that had not occurred to him, the possibly that not all of the current representatives in America wanted to join the war.

Now don't get him wrong, he knew that some of his _people _would be against this, America wasn't an idiot. Just like there was a part of him that didn't want to fight England, there were Americans that didn't want to fight British rule. However, his want for freedom out weighed those feelings, so if England didn't want to give America his freedom, then America was going to take it. It's just, until this point, he was sort of taking the fact that all of the thirteen colonies (along with Philadelphia and Boston ,especially Boston) wanted their freedom as much as he did for granted.

"But, you have to fight! If you don't, if you don't, I'll... I'll **make** you fight for me!" Now this may seem a bit cruel of America, but to be fair, he was in a bit of shock about the whole thing.

"Look America, it is a great shame that New York dose not want to help us, but we can't force him." Ah, good old Washington, what a reasonable man.

"But, but,..." America stammered. 'But if New York doesn't fight against England, our chances of losing will skyrocket.'

Now this may sound silly to us, after all, what can one bratty 13-year-old do? But America dose have a reason to think this. England had told him that of all the battles that the British Empire had fought, in the majority of battles it had lost, he (England) was't actual present at the battle. So America concluded that by the nation being present at a battle, the army of the nation had a better chance of wining. Or, at the very lest, by not being present, the army had a better chance of losing.

"Let it go America." Now, George was just as disappointed as America that New York didn't want to fight. He to thought that by having the spirit of the nation (or in this case, the spirit of a city) fighting along side the troops probably would make a difference. But he also knew that if a nation didn't want to win, that would probably have a reflection on the troops. That and well...if he was really _this_ admit about not fighting England, and they forced him on the battle filed...

'He might just take his riffle and point it at America.' Washington thought grimly.

"But, but...fine, lest go." And with that, America and General Washington left New York City's home, dreading what would happen at the upcoming battle.

It wasn't until they had left that New York spook in a voice barley above a whisper, with the being of tears in his eyes.

"It's not that I don't want to help you, but I just don't want to have to fight England."

Because if he did fight England, he might have to fighting his most precious friend.

* * *

During the Battle of Long Island, one of the first and _the_ largest battle of the American Revolution, the American forces were driven out of New York and the area occupied by the British. It became a refuge for Loyalists throughout America during the war.

* * *

**It should be noted that I decided that New York was going to be a Loyalist, _before _I fond out this bit of information. I figured at lest one of the American representatives had to be one, it just turned out that my decision correlated with history. **

**Also, chapter ten I will be having a Forth Wall mail box, you can ask any city any question, as many times as you like, you can also ask me questions, but that's not nearly as fun. I'm also taking introduction requests as well, so leave a review and it will most likely get featured.**


End file.
